


In Vodka Veritas

by TygerTyger



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drunkenness, F/M, Vodka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1282819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TygerTyger/pseuds/TygerTyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Self-restraint has never been River’s strong suit, and what little she possesses is tested when the Doctor shows up on her first day of university expecting sex.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Vodka Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> This is one I wrote all at once. I got a little lost in their conversation and when I looked up it was 4am… whoops.

River stood in her Luna dormitory room with her hands on her hips. She had already ticked off every item on her to do list for the semester, and it wasn’t even 9pm on day one. Completing her coursework before lunch had been easy, and scaring her roommate into moving out in the afternoon had been a doddle.

Of course there were piles of things she could tackle—piles of books, piles of clothes, piles of nameplates she’d pinched from doors around the university—but that sounded a bit too much like housework. There was no other option then, but to go and get hammered in the Uni bar. She fluffed her hair in the mirror and gave herself a wink before opening the door to set off.

She stopped.

The Doctor was leaning rakishly against the corridor wall with one eyebrow cocked, looking far too confident for a man in his granddad’s jacket and a bow-tie. Her stomach flipped, and River frowned for a second before adopting an air of indifference. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, I think so,” he said, raking his eyes shamelessly over her and gnawing on his lip. An image of herself fucking him into the mattress flashed across her mind without permission. She blinked it away. “Too bad. I’m just on my way out,” she said, and then pulled the door shut behind her and took off down the stairs and out onto the green, swearing at herself all the way.

“Hey!” he shouted after her, but she didn’t turn. “Did I do something wrong?” She didn’t answer, and tried not to break into a canter as she did what she did best and ran away.

 

The bar was empty apart from the middle-aged overweight barman sitting reading behind counter. An empty students’ union bar on freshers’ week: had things really changed this much since the 21st century? Had everyone forgotten how to have fun?

She went up to the bar and knocked on the counter next to the barman. “A bottle of vodka and a glass, please.” He reluctantly put his book down and went to get what she’d asked for. River glanced at the door, hoping that it wouldn’t open whilst simultaneously hoping that it would. This was not good.

The barman returned with the bottle. “Eighty two credits please.”

River looked at him blankly.

“Wrist-band?”

“Oh,” she said, and fished the flimsy silver band out from beneath her cuff and presented it to him for scanning. The scanner beeped, and she grabbed the bottle and slunk off to find a dark corner to drink it in.

She had barely the first glass poured when the Doctor sat on the stool across from her. Her hearts thudded in her chest, and she tried to drown them in vodka. She swallowed, coughed, and put the glass down.

“River,” the Doctor said. “About the… back there, with the…”

She couldn’t see his hands under the table, but she could tell he was wringing them. “Yes?”

“Sorry?”

“Okay.”

“You don’t by any chance have your diary handy?”

“My what?”

“Blue notebook I gave you?”

“Oh. No. I mean, it’s in my room, but…”

“That’s okay. Got mine.” He took out a navy blue notebook and started looking through it. River watched, pretending to know what he was doing. “So,” he said, “have you done—” He looked up and held her gaze for a few seconds, then closed the book. “Oh,” he said. “Oh. Right. Okay.” He chewed on his thumbnail.

“What?”

“Is this your first day of University?”

“Yeah. So?”

“And you haven’t seen me since…”

“Since you all abandoned me in hospital with a bunch of moggies?”

“River, you can’t call them that.” He sounded serious and stern, and hot. _Fuck._ She shrugged nonchalantly, then poured herself another glass of vodka and sank it.

“So, what brings you here?” she asked as though it weren’t patently obvious.

There was more hand wringing under the table. “I wanted to see you.”

“You wanted to more than see me.”

He dropped his eyes to his hands. “Maybe.”

“So,” she said, sitting up straighter and shaking her hair out, “how long has this been going on for?”

He grimaced as he looked up at her. “Spoilers.”

“Oh. Come. On. Don’t pull that one.”

“I have to.”

“No you don’t. You’ve been sleeping with me, Doctor. You turn up unannounced and expect me to fuck you, because I must give you reason to expect it, surely, or else you wouldn’t bother.”

“I would bother!” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice again. “To turn up, I mean. Either way. I just want to see you.” He rubbed his face with both of his hands, and River poured another glass of vodka. “You don’t need to drink all that,” he said.

“It’s about wanting to, not needing to,” she said, even though it was very much about needing to at that moment in time. She swallowed the glassful and felt it burn in her chest. “So what am I like then? A pretty good lay, I’ll bet.”

“River,” he groaned and dropped his forehead onto the table.

“This isn’t fair, you know,” she said to the top of his head.

“I know.”

“I’m in university. I was planning to have a string of lovers.”

“You can still do that,” he said.

“How can I? When you show up here on day-one letting the cat out of the bag?”

He lifted his head from the table and regarded her. “So what? I mean, I don’t mind. Not that it should matter if I mind or not… I think you should do what you want with whomever you want.”

She gritted her teeth. If he didn’t mind, then why should she? She poured herself another glass of vodka and drank it. “Maybe I’ll pick someone up in here tonight.”

They both looked around, but there was still no one but them and the barman, who was now picking his teeth. “Okay,” the Doctor said. “Look, I should go. I came at completely the wrong time.”

River’s hearts dropped ten floors. “The least you can do is keep me company until some other people turn up.”

“Okay,” the Doctor said, and then poured himself a glass of vodka and drank it.

 

They sat in near silence drinking for over an hour. The barman dropped bottle after bottle down, scanning River’s wristband each time and looking carefully at them and their seemingly super-human tolerance for alcohol. It would kick in eventually, and eventually turned out to be halfway through the fifth bottle.

“River!” the Doctor said, smacking the table with an open palm, making the glasses hop on the wood.

“Hmm?”

“You still get to choose.”

“What?”

“This,” he said, gesturing at the space between them.

“How, exactly? You’ve told me now. It would create a bloody paradox. Idiot.”

“Paradox Schmaradox. So bloody what? And yes, I am an idiot.”

“Ha!” River poured two more glasses, sloshing a little out onto the table. “Actually, I think I’d like to create a paradox.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“A paradox born from not fucking you.”

“Never.”

“Sorry?”

“A paradox born from never…” he mouthed the word _fucking_ , “me.”

“Piece of cake.”

The Doctors mouth turned frowny, and River grinned. “Okay then, a slight challenge.”

“That’s better. A bit.” He drank both glasses of vodka.

“Hey! One of those was mine.”

“Tough luck.”

She poured herself another and drank it straight away. “You know, I don’t think it’s fair.”

“What? What’s not fair now?”

“You know what I look like with my clothes off, but I don’t know what you look like with yours off.”

“Well, if you never sleep with me, then I won’t know anymore.”

“But you know right now, correct?”

He slapped the table again. “Yes! Yowzah!” He cleared his throat. “Timelines must still be in flux.”

River rolled her eyes dramatically, stifling a smile. “Right, so we need to redress the balance. I want to see you in the buff.”

“In the—? Oh. That is not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” he leaned across the table to her, fighting to hold her gaze. “If you see what you’re missing, you might have a change of heart about not sleeping with me.”

River snorted. “I’ve seen a lot—and I mean a lot—of naked men. What makes you think you’ve got something special?”

“You forget I’ve seen your reaction to my body before. It’s not dignified, to say the least. And these lots of naked men, where can I find them and make their lives miserable?”

“I thought you didn’t mind me having other lovers?”

“Don’t be soft. Of course I mind. But you shouldn’t let that stop you. Much.”

River smiled and emptied the last of the vodka into the two glasses and pushed them across the table. “Here. Drink up. Dutch courage for you.”

“I’m not taking my clothes off for you, Song.”

“Of course you’re not. Now drink.”

 

River pushed a pile of clothes off her bed and flopped down. “You’ve got two minutes to get undressed.”

“Or what?”

“Or I firmly decide to never ever fuck you, and all memories of the _yowzah_ will be lost to you forever.”

“Hmm.”

“Better get a wriggle on.” She propped herself up on an elbow and watched.

“I feel a bit self conscious all of a sudden. Can I undress in the bathroom?”

“I suppose. If you must.”

The Doctor staggered off to the bathroom, and River smoothed out the duvet on her bed. The bathroom door clicked open, and a sheepish looking Doctor edged out holding himself meekly. River flicked on the bedside lamp to get a better look. “Hands out of the way.”

“I feel like a piece of meat,” he said, but obliged all the same.

“Turn around.”

“River—”

“Please?”

He turned all the way around. “Well?”

“That’s fine.”

“Fine? Just fine?”

River shrugged. “You can get dressed again now if you want.”

He trudged off to the bathroom and River could hear him muttering. She hopped up and knocked on the door. “I’ve got a big t-shirt here you can use as pyjamas.” The lock clicked open and he peered out suspiciously. “Come on,” she said. “You don’t think I’m going to let you drive in this state, do you?”

He put his hand out, and she passed him the t-shirt. A moment later he emerged wearing it along with his boxer shorts. “Where’s the sofa?”

“I don’t have one,” she said with a shrug.

“You don’t have one, yet,” he corrected her. “So the floor, is it?”

“Why not the bed? No funny business, mind you. I’m still not going to fuck you.”

“What about the never?”

“I’m still undecided on the never.”

He smiled broadly, and she thought about kissing him. “Go on, get into bed,” she said.

He crawled in under the duvet and closed his eyes. River went to the other side and undid the zip of her dress as noisily as she could. The Doctor’s eye opened a crack, and she smiled and turned her back, before pulling the dress off over her head, and then undoing her bra and slipping it off. She picked up a t-shirt from a nearby pile and threaded her arms into the sleeves, then as she pulled it on over her head she turned towards the bed. “Yowzah,” she heard him say as the shirt slipped down over her face and body. When she looked at him, his eyes were closed again, but he had a dopey grin on his face.

She crawled into bed next to him and turned her back.

“Good night,” he said.

“Bring me out for pancakes in the morning?” She switched off the lamp.

“I’d love to.”

 

The waitress slid the two plates of pancakes onto the table and put the bottle of maple syrup between them. “Thank you,” the Doctor said, a second too late for her to hear as she made her way back to the kitchen. His hair was still askew, but River didn’t want to tell him. She liked sitting in a café with him, knowing she had made it look like that. She poured syrup over the pancakes and took up her knife and fork to set to work on her breakfast.

“You know,” the Doctor began, “I wish you’d let me bring you to Menzen Roh. They make the best pancakes in a little place in the Zero Zone.”

“These are good.” River said after swallowing a mouthful. “God, I’m starving.”

The Doctor made a tiny grin, proud of himself no doubt, but she’d allow it. She couldn’t remember ever being this relaxed before. She wasn’t aware of a single muscle in her body; they were all just sitting there, doing nothing. She sighed contentedly and took another forkful of pancake. She looked across at the Doctor, who had his chin propped on his palm as he watched her.

“Your pancakes are getting cold,” she said.

“Oh right.” Remembering himself, he picked up his cutlery and started on his food. River allowed herself a gentle smile while he wasn’t looking. A morning of bed-rattling monkey sex really shouldn’t lead to such self-indulgent sentimentality. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.

The Doctor looked up and grinned at her. “Want some tea?”

River stood up from her seat. “Got to go. Lectures, you know.”

The Doctor swallowed. “Yes. Of course. Very important.”

“Here,” she said, and slid off her silver wristband. “You pay. You can bring that back to me later.”

As he took it, his expression turned, and he was inscrutable to her for the first time since he showed up the previous night. He took her hand and ran his fingertips down over the palm, and stared unblinking into her eyes. The love sick puppy was gone, and in his place was someone else, someone she didn’t know. Someone she was suddenly desperate unravel. “I’ll bring it back. I promise,” he said.

His thumb brushed across her wrist, and she thought about kicking over the table and straddling him there and then in front of everyone. “And, um, don’t keep me waiting,” she said.

He released her hand. “Scout’s honour. You wouldn’t get too far without your credits, I suppose.”

“No,” she said. “I suppose not.” She hitched her bag onto her shoulder and left him without a goodbye. There was no reason to break the habit of a lifetime.


End file.
